If you want to be a fighter, follow these 3 simple steps, demonstrated by a total legend!
#1 Go Hard or Go Home
- Step 1 – Find another willing participant i.e. one of your students.
- Step 2 – Do the pretend fight on a wooden floor (no mats – that’s just gay), and be sure to place “Reebok steps” around the outside of the fighting area (we wouldn’t want anybody getting hurt).
- Step 3 – No protective gear is to be worn – that shit’s for pussies.
- Step 4 – Swing until one person is laid out unconscious. Ensure that NOBODY helps the guy who got knocked out as he is a pussy and it would ruin the macho image of the gym if you start “going soft” on the KO’d fighter.
- Step 5 – Finally, get your best “bro” to video it, put it on YouTube with the caption: “For those of you bitching about how hard we go, STFU and watch how we train. This is how we do it at our gym. This is old school, this is hardcore”. Then disable comments on the video.
Result: This will make you look really tough to other people on the internet. A promoter from one of the biggest muay Thai shows will contact you and immediately offer you large sums of money to fight in his promotion, such was the impressiveness of your performance.
#2 Teach The New Guy a Lesson
- Step 1 – When a new guy comes into your gym, make sure he is punished for doing so, and let him know who’s boss. Note: New guy must be smaller than you and have little or no training experience for this one to work.
- Step 2 – Chase the guy around the room, ensuring that you back him into walls and mirrors to make you look even more like a real fighter. Scatter weights and other objects around the floor to get a better workout.
- Step 3 – Protective gear = G A Y.
- Step 4 – Attempt to knock the guy out, but if you’re unable to, just give up and pretend you weren’t really trying to anyway.
- Step 5 – Upload the video to YouTube and tell YouTubers that the guy had to be “punished”. Again, disable comments.
Result: If done correctly, this act should make the attacker feel really big and tough. Beating up the new guy rocks!
#3 Never Skip Leg Day!
- Step 1 – Only train upper body. Training legs is too hard and chicks dig big guns anyway. On the odd occasion you do “squat”, load up the bar with loads more weight than you can actually lift and then squat down 3 inches.
- Step 2 – Get the “bro” to video this triumphant feat and label it “My 280kg Squat”.
- Step 3 – The 180kg “Deep” squat is even better bro!
Result: You don’t have to train legs for another 3 months and you look really tough on YouTube.
In case you didn’t realise, this was a sarcastic post. If you figured that out – well done, you’re either a true professional or you’re on the right tracks.
If you didn’t, I’ve got some bad news for you – you’re either an idiot or you’ve been mis-coached and misguided. If you’re the former – get a grip, lose the ego and go train with some real fighters in Bangkok or at any successful gym anywhere else in the world. If you’re the latter, it’s unfortunate that you began your muay Thai journey in such a negative way, but there are plenty of gyms out there with good coaches. Please find one.
This guy’s training methods are dangerous and unnecessary. He’s a bully, and he’s potentially robbing people of real martial arts training by putting them off for life. He’s not a professional fighter and it shows. I’m not just talking about his skills, I’m also talking about his macho attitude that only an inexperienced fighter could possibly have.
I wrote this post to make a point. I’ve singled out this guy in particular, but there are many more people just like him coaching at muay Thai gyms all over the world.
It’s important is that people understand the difference between fighter training and some idiot beating up his students to boost his own ego. Any experienced fighter will tell you that’s not how we train. A fighter has a “no quit” attitude and an “anything goes” mentality in a fight, not training.
It’s easy to poke fun at him and take the mick, but it brings up a bigger problem in muay Thai and martial arts in general, and that is, there’s nothing to stop any douchebag on the planet from opening a gym and coaching people. There’s no required standard that a coach must meet to begin practicing, and that’s pretty worrying. Any type of system that deems somebody “qualified” seems way off, and to be honest, extremely difficult to enforce.
So, what’s the solution? Talk to me in the comments section.